The Choices We Make
by IMOPPI23
Summary: Fan fiction about Rumiko Takahashi's characters Rin and Sesshomaru. Story is set a few years after Kagome returned to the Feudal era
1. A moment of bliss gone wrong

Disclaimer: Characters by Rumiko Takahashi

It was one of the last days of summer. A warm breeze brushed gently through the trees announcing Autumn's arrival. Nature was once more entering a time of change.

_«I wonder if he will come this time»_ - thought the young girl while gathering the last of the season's medicinal herbs in preparation for the long cold days ahead.

It had been over half a year since the Taiyōkai had passed through these parts. The air today seemed heavy and the harbinger of loss, although she tried to push the thought far away into the deepest corners of her mind.

Kagome and Inuyasha had now been gone for nearly two years with Kohaku exterminating demons in the farthest regions of the land. Sango and Miroku had moved away from the village some time ago to a cosy hut in the forest.

Rin was now about 14 years old and feeling left behind and out of place. Everyone was moving on in their lives and the villagers were now looking at her with judging eyes.

_She_ was the girl who _wanted_ to forsake a normal life in exchange for a life by the side of a Mononoke. Although she now had been living among her own kind for a good few years, she refused to "fall in line" and choose to be a traditional housewife. Instead, she dreamt vividly about the day she could leave and join her Lord Sesshōmaru in his travels once more. Recently this was her only comfort against the harsh criticism that fell upon her each day.

The leaves continued to echoe in the backround as she finished the task in front of her. It was almost like living in a dream, where every path and everything was predetermined for her...the anguish of it, tore at her each day more and more.

_«Sesshōmaru-Sama...how I wish it was time to leave with you...»_

As she walked back to the village, a familiar voice sounded behind her.

- Rin.

Her heart jabbed at the of this voice and she dared not turn around in fear it was her mind was playing tricks.

The voice called out to her again... As she turned, the basket she held in her hands dropped to the ground and tears began to come form in the corners of her eyes. The sight of the tall white figure standing a few metres away brought her more comfort that the sunshine itself...

- Sesshōmaru-Sama! - she gasped under her breath - You are finally here - she whispered to her heart, and, without any hesitation, she ran straight to him throwing herself at him hugging him tightly around his waist and burying her face against his chest armour.  
>An astounded Sesshōmaru, who was not at all prepared, found himself unexpectedly reacting to her unusual greeting by returning a makeshift embrace, holding her with one arm and gently placing his free hand on her head in an attempt to reassure her.<p>

Rin clinged to his arm as they walked through the forest. Finally seeing him this time made her extremely happy, more than usual in fact. She felt all her troubles and sorrows meltting away.

She began to talk about all that had happened in his absence, constantly interrupted and reminded by Jaken that Sesshōmaru-Sama was not interested in the daily futility's of humans. She did not care. Her Lord had returned and that was all that mattered now.

The time passed quickly and food had been the last thing on her mind, until her belly reminded her of it's existence. She reluctantly requested him to go with her to the river so that she could catch some fish.

The Yōkai sat down in the shade, leaning his back onto the base of a tree and looked intriguingly at his precious girl as she rolled up her kimono and entered the water. He couldn't help but notice that Rin was a lot taller than the last time he had seen her.

_«It looks like the Kimono I brought this time might not fit ... and … she is acting unlike her normal self … did something happen to her?... what is she hiding? ...»_

He was lost in his thoughts examining every move she made until, after a few minutes, an intense smell of Rin's blood filled the air waking him from his thoughts. He sat up and frowned angrily

_«I knew something was amiss»_

Sesshōmaru: Who gave you that wound? - he remarked rather dryly  
>Rin: hun? wound?<br>Sesshōmaru: Don't insult me! It has obviously re-opened, I can smell the blood from here.

Rin was so concentrated on trying to catch a fish for her growling stomach, that she hadn't noticed the crimson line streaming down her inner thigh. She turned slightly red and started to stumble out of the water while rolling down her kimono as fast as she could.  
><em>«oh no! Not now...»<em> - She screamed in her mind - _«Of all times! How embarrassing...!» _- in a flash, Sesshōmaru was standing right in front of her, stopping her in her tracks.

She was to embarrassed to face him, she wanted to hide herself in a hole in the ground if she could, but the tall Yōkai was towering over her inquisitively. He placed one had on her shoulder and knelt down while reaching for the edge of her kimono with the other. Instantly Rin flinched at his action and stepped back – astonished by his action. Her next reaction was to rush passed him, but the strong Demon caught her by the wrist.

Sesshōmaru: Why do you run? What are you hiding from me? - an angry Sesshōmaru asked.

-Rin looked back at him, now bright red and a little worried, her heart beating wildly at what was happening.

Rin: Forgive me Sesshōmaru-Sama! I...I.. must go now! - For the first time the Yōkai saw, what seemed like a twinge of fear in Rin's eyes, and instantly released his grip on her dumbfounded. Rin had never given him that look before.

-Rin, free from her lord's grasp, turned and was about to run when she realized that Kaede was standing in front of them-

Rin: Kaede-Sama?...I...I was picking the herbs you asked me to...but then...- she stuttered – the embarrassment of the situation and guilt quickly eating away at her. She was also quite worried about how long Kaede was standing there.

The Miko looked at her calmly and said: - Rin dear, you are needed back at the village.. Please go now, I will be there shortly.

Rin stared at her, somewhat relived to be able to get away from the current situation, but also quite restless, the feeling from earlier ringing loudly in her head like a thunder storm...

_«Does she wish to speak to Sesshōmaru-Sama alone?»_ - she thought as she hurried back to the village.

Kaede waited for a bit and then moved closer to the Yōkai.

- Sesshōmaru, I must speak to you alone.

Jaken, in deep distress with all that just passed, jumped up and interjected - How dare you approach Sesshōmaru-Sama and speak to him like that! You humans are so disrespectful!

Sesshōmaru looked at the short old woman and frowned. He was now very annoyed by this interruption and felt apprehensive about what the conversation ahead of him might bring. He knew all to well that it was going to be regarding Rin and about why she was acting so strangely. He recalled the last time they spoke, when she persuaded him to leave Rin in the village to re-learn how to live with humans. He knew instantly that things were going to change.

Sesshōmaru: Jaken! Go and check on Rin – he instructed

Jaken: But Sesshōmaru-Sama, I..  
>Sesshōmaru: Now Jaken! ! - the Yōkai roared –<br>Jaken: arghh! Yes my lord, right away! - and off he scampered – Rin! Riiinn! Wait for me!

Sesshōmaru turned to Kaede and said - What do you want with me old Miko? - to which Kaede replied – I'm sure you have noticed by now...Walk with me? There is much to talk about...


	2. Disturbing Thoughts

Chapter 2 – Disturbing thoughts 

Disclaimer: Characters by Rumiko Takahashi

_at the village..._

Jaken paced back and forth endlessly in front of the Miko's hut, wondering why Sesshōmaru was taking so long. 

Meanwhile, Rin was inside and had also been restlessly waiting for Kaede to return for what seemed like a lifetime. Her thoughts dowelled on what she and her lord were talking about and also the embarrassing situation she had been in.

_«Why does it have to be like this? What was Sesshōmaru-Sama about to do?» _

She covered her face in shame and continuously blushed at the mere thought of him raising her Kimono to take a look at her supposed wound.

_«what was he thinking? WHAT AM I THINKING? Sesshōmaru-Sama isn't like that! »_

Then, pausing for a moment she realized something and held her head in horror...

_«Did Sesshōmaru-Sama indeed think it was a wound! Can it be that he doesn't know about what happens to human women every few weeks? Why would he? He is a Yōkai! Arhhgg! This is the most embarrassing day in my life!» _

Rin fell to the ground and hugged her knees.

_«and what was Kaede-Sama doing there? What could she possibly want with him? I hope she is not going to_ explain _what actually happened to me! _

__

_That's all I need! Sesshōmaru-Sama must be angry enough for they way a I acted around him today and now knowing that I have started to have_ that_! _

__

_He probably thinks I'm disgusting now, and will never want to look at me again! Noooo!»_

Then she heard Jaken's voice and the old woman's steps coming up the hill. Rin raced outside and saw Kaede who was returning. The evening was quiet and a breeze was picking up fast.

Rin: Kaede-Sama...were is Sesshōmaru-Sama? - she stammered in a voice that was barely audible. 

Kaede: Your lord awaits you down by the river she answered looking at Jaken.

Jaken: Well! It's about time he sent for me! - the little demon proudly remarked as started his way back with Rin starting to follow...

Kaede: Alone – she said sternly.

Rin's heart skipped a beat at her statement and turned to Kaede..

Rin: What do you mean? I must see him before he leaves... - a gust of wind blew through her hair chilling down her spine.

Kaede: Sesshōmaru will meet you there in five days... 

Rin continued to stare at the old woman – but why? He is here now! If he leaves... he ..he never returns after such a short period of time...!

Kaede: That is enough Rin! Let's prepare the night meal... Tomorrow you will go again and finish the task meant for today.

Rin was about to respond back but she saw in Miko's eyes that this was not the time to protest. She managed to restrain herself and walked back into the hut.

She did not sleep that night.

_Back at the river..._

Jaken arrived just as the sun was setting.

Jaken: Sesshōmaru-Sama! What took you so long? What did that human want? - he yelled. The Yokai merely glanced at him and the little demon started to shudder in alarm – ss..sorry my lord! It was not my place to question you …

Sesshōmaru: We are leaving.

They got on to Ah-Un's back and flew into the night sky.

After a while Jaken noticed the direction they were heading in. They were heading West, back to the palace perhaps...?  
>Sesshōmaru was deep thought saying next to nothing, even less than he already did.<br>Jaken kept his thoughts to himself too, although very intrigued by this behaviour.

_«just what did he and that woman discuss? No doubt it involves Rin...no one affects him more, though he would never admit it...and he would surely kill me if I asked...»_

_latter that night..._

His pulse raced. He has been up all night, not being able to sleep. Why was this affecting him so much? That night Sesshōmaru twisted and turned, he could not sleep. The events of that day haunting him. He raised from his bed went for a walk in the gardens.

*Flashback* 

Sesshōmaru: What is it?

Kaede: I've come to discuss Rin's future. It appears our plan is not working.  
>Sesshōmaru frowned and stared expressionless at her. <p>

Kaede: Rin is not adapting to life here in the village as we had anticipated. 

Sesshōmaru: How is this my concern? I care not for human interactions. - he remarked – Rin has lived here for nearly 7 years now... 

Kaede: Rin is unhappy... she is not moving on in her life, and you are responsible for that.. 

Sesshōmaru: How dare you accuse me of anything..Rin decides her own fate... 

Kaede: Yes, and that is part of the problem...

The old woman stopped and sat down on a rock to catch her breath. Her old years were taking their toll.

Kaede: Surely you have figured out by now that Rin has become in a woman since you were last here...

Sesshōmaru eyes narrowed recalling the blood – what has that got to do with anything?

Kaede: Everything! - she replied - Rin's wish to leave with you one day has always prevented her from really integrating in the community, but in these past months it has become even more evident...!

Tell me Sesshōmaru, have you really thought about what you will do with her when she joins you again in your travels? Have you ever thought about what that might really mean to Rin now? She is no longer a small child...

Sesshōmaru: What are you on about old woman? - he hissed

Kaede: What kind of life will she have? You don't strike me as the type who will take a human for a wife...or do you plan to indulge in a young girl's fantasies? Rin is naive. She thinks you will come to take one day and ride off into the sunset together. Or did you not notice yet? Rin is in love with you!

Riddiculous! - he sneered as he sharply faced away from the old woman - I have no use for such trivialities! If Rin wishes to choose a husband that is up to her! I Sesshōmaru do not care about that! - Kaede closed her eyes and sihed – I wonder if that is really true...

Sesshōmaru: What are you implying? - she snaped rasing one eyebrow.

Kaede: Well, if it is, and you feel nothing for her in that way... then allow her to explore new options in life. End her fantasy now! Do what you must!

Sesshōmaru: You dare tell me what to do? This conversation is pointless and it ends here!

Kaede: She will come to accept it eventualy...- she continued, ingnorig his last comments - But you must give her that chance.  
>I sugest you think well about that and about what I've said today – she stated, now starting to walk away.<p>

Sesshōmaru was now silent. He knew deep down there was some thruth in her words, though it stung to realize it. He hesitated for a bit, but then said: 

Tell Rin to meet me here in five days... - the Miko nodded in aknolgement – So be it … - she replied.

*end of flashback*

Sesshōmaru clenched his fists.

_«Do you realize what you're asking me to do?» _

The night fretted away and dawn was breaking. 

He made his way back to the castle. Jaken was sound asleep when he awoke with a jolt. Sesshōmaru's golden orbs staring him dead in the eye.

Sesshōmaru: I have a task for you...


	3. A dream come true?

Chapter 3 - A dream come true?

Disclaimer: Characters by Rumiko Takahashi

_The end of the fifth day neared..._

It was a calm evening. Rin's heart thumped as she slowly walked back to were her lord was supposed to be waiting. The moon was just rising, shimmering softly. When she got to the river, there he stood, stoic as usual and impossible to read. He looked at her intensely, this made Rin feel like her heart was going to jump out of her mouth. His gaze immobilized her, and she dared not take another step.

He turned his back to her and slightly looked back as if he were telling for her to follow.

Sesshōmaru: Were going to fly – he said, Rin quickly rushed up to him and took hold of his Mokomoko – hold on tight – he warned, and feeling her grasp he leaped in to the sky, flying fast.

The forest and the village quickly disappeared from her sight. They were now what seemed like miles away.

_«where are we going...?»_ - she thought. It took some hours to arrive at their destination. Rin did not recognize the landscape anymore. He set her down at the edge of a great forest.

Sesshōmaru: Rin, are you hungry? - he asked quietly. Rin was amazed at his question. Food was again the last thing on her mind. Although now she noticed that she actually was hungry. She blushed at the sound of her growling belly.

Sesshōmaru: There is an orchard not far from here. You may feed yourself there. - He started to walk towards the orchard with Rin in pursuit.

Rin: erm... I was wondering Sesshōmaru-Sama...

Sesshōmaru: What is it?

Rin: Where is this place?

Sesshōmaru: These are my late father's lands. It is my home.

The sun shined high in the sky and painted the trees a reddish gold. A million thoughts now raced through Rin's mind.

_«why did he bring me here? Did Kaede-Sama ask him to?»_ she wondered. Her imagination running wild. _«Am I going to live here now?...with him?» _The girl felt her cheeks flush, were her dreams coming true?

Nearing the edge of a hill Sesshōmaru stopped and pointed – here is the orchard – take your time...

Rin walked passed the tall Yōkai and took a look. The most wonderful view lay beyond her. She saw the beginning of the orchard just a few metres down the hill. It stretched on considerably until, in the distance it fanned around the base of a great white marble staircase... And there it stood.  
>The great castle of the once Inu no Taishō, glistening on the top of the next hill.<p>

Sesshōmaru-Sama... - she gasped – it's so beautiful – the girl skipped down the hill. She was overjoyed, she started to hum to herself. It felt like old times, a feeling she hadn't felt in a long time.

The white figure walked steadily behind, all the while staring at her. Her raven hair shined in the day light and her scent seemed strangely appealing to him. Then he felt it again, it was the same feeling that took a hold of him when they were by the river that day...

_«what is this?»_ He puzzled annoyed, whilst Kaede's words came to mind again.

_«love?...impossible...she is still a child» - _his recent thoughts angered him further. Was he actually entertaining Kaede's hateful insinuation about him having feelings for a mere human?__

But then the girl's voice brought him back to reality. Rin was desperately trying to reach for some fruit, but they were too high up.

Rin: Sesshōmaru-Sama? Could you help me? - she asked shyly.__

He picked a piece of fruit from the tree next to him and handed it to Rin – try these – he said moving closer to her. As he placed one in her delicate hands he felt the touch of her soft skin. Rin looked up to him and blushed.

His next action even surprised him. He guided her hands, now cupped within his, to her mouth. Her eyes sparkled and his heart started to throb.

Rin noticed his gaze was fixed upon her. She bit into the fruit, slightly embarrassed. A sweet smell filled the air – mmm – she murmured. A few drops of juice had escaped her bite and streamed down one side of her mouth. She then felt the Yokai's other strong hand brushing against the side ofher face, trailing the juice right up to her lower lip...he caressed it gently, and as he were in a trance, started to lean in...

Her heart was racing. Her blood boiled in her veins. She was now bright red. __

_«What is happening? This position... he is too close...ah... Sesshōmaru-Sama... »_

As he tightened his hold on her hands, she dropped the fruit she was holding onto. The noise woke him from his trance. He stopped immediately in shock when realizing what he was doing.

He let go of her hands and backed away.

Sesshōmaru: Lets go.

He remained in silence as he walked on, never looking back at her. Rin followed behind still blushing vividly at what had just happened. His long silver locks flowing down his back. They reached the bottom of the staircase.__

Rin looked up in awe at the empowering castle before her. They walked up the stairs and reached the large golden gates. The soldiers there posted immediately opened them at the sight of their lord.

Welcome back Sesshōmaru-Sama! - they said and bowed. They glimpsed at Rin intriguingly. She felt the questioning eyes upon her as they walked through the courtyard.

Jaken stood at the entrance of the great hall – Sesshōmaru-Sama! You finally here! I prepared the room you asked me too, may I ask who we are expecting...? - his faithful servant inquired.

His Lord entered the hall followed by a young human girl.

Jaken stared in surprise – Rin? - he remarked.

Sesshōmaru: How very observant of you. Now take her to her room! - he ordered. The Yokai turned to Rin and said – I'll see you later. - and before Jaken or Rin could say a word, he was gone.


	4. What is happening?

Chapter 4 – What is happening?

Disclaimer: All characters, except Inari, belong to Rumiko Takahashi.

Rin followed Jaken through the large halls. Neither of them spoke a word. When she entered the room she flopped onto the large bed. It had been a long night and half a day already since she had left the village. She was too exhausted to even think.

The Yōkai Sesshōmaru sat silently in his study for hours. His mind filled with obsessive thoughts about what came to pass earlier and the words "do what you must" echoing in the stillness of the room.

_«damn you old Miko»_ he thought to himself again.

There was a slight knock on the doors... - enter.. - he said commandingly. The door slightly opened and Jaken walked in.

Jaken: Excuse me Sesshōmaru-Sama..

Sesshōmaru: What do you want?

Jaken: The preparations for the ceremony are underway My Lord, and _that_ person should arrive at the castle in a few days...

erm...Rin seems to have settled in nicely Sire, although I haven't seen her all day...

of course that is understandable, her human body must be tired from the trip here... also... the servants were wondering if Rin would be joining you for dinner from now on...?

Sesshōmaru's eyes narrowed at the question – I have more pressing matters to attend too, give her food if she so wishes ...

Jaken: But we don't serve human food ...

Sesshōmaru: Disturb someone else with your questions – he roared.

Jaken: aah! Yes of course! Forgive me my Lord! - and with that he excused himself from his presence, his heart galloping as fast as a race horse.

_«yikes! He is still in such a bad mood...but why? Rin is here now under his care once more...»_

_Meanwhile..._

The young girl awoke from her dreams of stunning gardens and waterfalls. She took a look around her and gazed in awe at the room she was in ... she felt like a royal princess. She walked onto the balcony and took in the magnificent view. She wanted to explore her new home.

She walked among the extensive gardens picking flowers for her hair, nibbling away at sweetest berries she had ever tasted. The birds sang happily in the trees. She could here the sound of water.

_«It sounds like a stream, I wonder if there is a lake too?»_ - She then caught sight of Sesshōmaru in the distance...

She was about to call him when Jaken suddenly came out of nowhere.

Jaken: Rin! Here you are!

Rin: Jaken-Sama?

Jaken: You shouldn't walk around alone!

Rin: But I was hungry... and what do you mean?

Jaken: Oh you silly girl...the people you see here are not human you know...and they are not aware that you are a guest here... now come back inside with me. It's nearly time for dinner..

_«stupid human...someone might mistake _you_ for a snack... Sesshōmaru-Sama would surely kill me if anything were to happen to you»_

As Rin followed Jaken back inside she looked back to see if she could spot her Lord, but he was already gone.

_«I wonder where he went?»_

Jaken led Rin to a large dinning hall were there was a long table with lots of chairs around it.

Jaken: Now sit here, the servants will serve dinner.

Rin: Oh thank you Jaken-Sama! ...erm Jaken-Sama? Do you know if Sesshōmaru-Sama will also be having dinner now?

The lillte green yōkai stoped in his tracks at the question remebering the Taiyōkai's mood earlier on and replied:

-of course not Rin! Sesshōmaru-Sama does not commune with humans!... you know that – although he always made the exception when it came to Rin. She was the only human who sought out the warm and caring soft spot in the Taiyōkai's heart and was allowed to touch it.

Nearly a whole week had gone by and Rin was not able to see Sesshōmaru at any point. Always losing sight of him in the distance or around corners of the grand palace halls. She longed to see him again, but now Rin was starting to feel nervous and actually quite lonely. This was not turning out to be the dream life she had imagined.

_«Why is he avoiding me?»_ she puzzled. She also noticed that all the servants seamed extremely busy and on edge - Everything must be prepared and set soon! - she would hear them say. It seemed to her that there was going to a party of some sort.

But, everyone around was ignoring her presence and frankly it felt like they considered her an inconvenience or some kind of intruder. It almost felt like living back at the village, would judging eyes follow her for the rest of her life?

Even Jaken was skid dish with her for the last day or so. There was only one person in the castle she had become somewhat close too in the past few days, and that was Inari, the main palace chef.

Rin was determined to find out what was going on.

_«Inari-Sama will know»_ - she thought to herself while making her way down to the kitchen.

Inari was a rather large and bubbly demon in the service of the Taiyōkai. The reason for Rin's attachment to him was because of the fact that demons never ate human food, or rarely to say the least.

So the day after she arrived, Jaken had taken her to the kitchen in order for her sort her own meals, seeing as the food that was served to her the night before wasn't going to be suitable.

He was very understanding of Rin's situation, and because if his natural affinity with food as a cook, was very happy to learn more about human food. It was a rare opportunity for him.

Rin walked in through the large kitchen doors and what she saw was the most stressful scenario ever! Everyone was running back and forth with huge piles of pots and pans. Huge sacks filled with bones stacked everywhere. People were shouting at each other and Rin felt like this was not the place to be right now, she was about to leave again when the demon fox caught sight of her.

Inari: Ah Rin-Chan! I was wondering when you were going to show up..!

Rin: he!he! - she stammered shyly – I think it's best if I come another time. You all look very busy...

Inari: Nonsense! - he said cutting her off – Come in my dear, I have just finished baking some cookies and you must let me know if they are ok.

He lead her to a side room just off the kitchen were his personal ready room was.

Inari: Now then! Sit down here and eat! - Rin did as he said and tried the cookies, they were actually very bitter and her face turned slightly green as she tried to swallow them down.

Inari: hahaha! Good, aren't they?

Rin: ... he...he.. – she painfully tried to respond politely - but, Inari-Sama..? Did you add enough sugar..?

The chef's eyes burned with rage and Rin could feel a cold chill in the room. A dark aura now surrounded the large chef and Rin started to feel scared.

Inari: you don't' like them?Are you saying I'm a BAD cook? - he yelled. Rin was now extremely frightened and holding her breath not knowing what to say. …

Then the yōkai burst into laughter.

Inari: HAHAHAHA! You should of seen you face! HAHA! Don't worry child, I'm not mad...  
>I changed some of the ingredients, as some of the guests might find human food not quite to their tasting!<p>

Rin let out a sigh of relief knowing she was not about to be eaten or killed. But now she was feeling betrayed and she pouted – Inari-Sama? You know I can't eat yōkai food...what if it kills me or makes me ill?

Inari: Don't be silly girl, of course it won't! I wouldn't do that to you. You are the Lord's guest...

Rin: guest...? that reminds me...you mentioned something about guests, so there IS going to be a party?

Inari: ..erm.. well yes Rin-chan – he replied but seemed concerned.

Rin: What's the matter? What is the part for? Why is everyone so nervous? - cried the girl, now getting annoyed that he too was actting strange.

Rin: Why won't anyone tell me what is going on?

Inari: Rin-chan...it may be better if you ask Jaken-Sama about the ceremony...I'm not allowed to discuss it with you...


	5. Joy and Pain

Chapter 5 – Joy and Pain

Disclaimer: All characters, except Inari, belong to Rumiko Takahashi.

That evening, another one without obtaining answers, Rin paced the floor boards in her room, after leaving unsatisfied from the kitchen. She was worried if it had been the cookies she ate in Inari's kitchen that were burning her throat or the fact that she was being so blatantly excluded from what was going to take place tomorrow.

She could stand it no further. She left her chambers angrily.

She began to make her way down the rather large staircase and she saw Jaken running past the landing at the bottom.

Rin was about to call him when she heard some commotion coming from what seemed like the great hall. She could just about make out Sesshōmaru's indistinguishable voice but couldn't make out what he was saying.

Her heart raced at the thought she might finally see him and find out just what the hell was going on. She skipped down the stairs in a flash and ran towards the great hall. The doors were slightly open, so she decided to take a glimpse inside...

She saw Jaken say something to Sesshōmaru, he seamed rather nervous for some reason, then she noticed that there were more people in the room. They were all dressed in the finest of silks and looked very important.

Unknown male voice: Sesshōmaru-Sama, I'm quite surprised by your decision...I never would have thought you would accept someone like that to be part of the Inu clan... however the joining is tomorrow and to back out now would be dishonorable...

Sesshōmaru: Are you questioning my honour?

Rin held her breath as best she could, leaning in closer against the doors trying to get a better look, then the sound of footsteps coming behind her made her jump out of her skin.

In a panic, she scampered frantically trying to hide behind the heavy velvet curtains that draped the large doors. As she peeked from behind them she saw two ladies carrying what looked like wedding robes...

_«joining? the party is a wedding then? But who's I wonder?»_

Unknown male voice: No not at all, My Lord. I'm sure she will make you proud and bare strong heirs despite her "disadvantage", but it is an unusual decision for you none the less. I'm sure you have your reasons...

Male voice: Ah! The ceremonial robes are here – he said when the women entered the room – well send her in! – he ordered his servants – I know she's here, I can sense her presence behind the door...

Rin listened in disbelief. Was that demon possibly referring to _her_? Her mind started to wander imagining herself as her Lord's wife and...mate! She felt her cheeks flush...

_«that must be why he brought me here and has been avoiding me»_

She always new Sesshōmaru was a man of few words and never really informed anyone of his plans in a straight forward manner., but still, marriage? She wished he had prepared her for this in a more private way – she thought embarrassed..

Male voice: Well, come in, come in...?

Rin's heart jolted at the demons request, realizing that these were dog demons with an acute sense of smell, she should of known better than to be eavesdropping behind the door. This made her feel stupid. Not the ideal first impression she was hoping for. She was to shocked to enter the room, but she took a deep breath and fixed her hair. She moved from behind the curtain was about to take a step towards the door when...

Unknown female voice: Oh, father, you embarrass me in front of Sesshōmaru-Sama...

Male voice: Think nothing of it my dear daughter, it is your joining after all..!

Rin froze at the what she had just heard … a cold sensation crept up her legs making them wobble...she grabbed hold of the curtains unable to breath ... pain shot through her chest as though a sword was carving out her heart and lunges...

_«you stupid foolish girl..!»_ - She felt ashamed at herself for letting her imagination get the better of her and jump to hasty conclusions like that...

The voices started to get louder as they were now nearing the doors. She hid behind the drapes again covering her mouth with her trembling hands. She tried her best not to make a sound although the growing screams of her heart were nearly intolerable...

Male voice: Well then, shall we visit the chef? I hear he is preparing some interesting food for tomorrow..!

As the doors opened they shifted the drapes slightly giving Rin a clear view of the Yōkais.

The first to exit was the female. She was tall and slender, absolutely stunning and graceful. This made her heart sink even more...of course he would never consider her to be his wife having someone like _that_! The others left the room one by one behind her.  
>They were <em>all<em> tall with long silver white hair and golden eyes. Beautiful, just like her Lord Sesshōmaru. No doubt they were all Inu Yōkais...

Female Demon: Aren't you coming Sesshōmaru-Sama?

Sesshōmaru: I have some things to attend here.

Female Demon: Alright we shall see you later then.

Sesshōmaru: ...

The TaiYōkai had known that Rin had been there all that time. He could now smell her salty tears and sense her sad heart. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

Jaken waited patiently with his lord in the room wondering why he had stayed behind.

Sesshōmaru: Jaken!  
>Jaken: Yes Sesshōmaru-Sama?<p>

Rin could not hear what he said to the little yōkai, but she did see him scatter off in his usual fashion right after. She dared not budge in the hope that Sesshōmaru hadn't notice her presence yet, although she knew that it was in vain.

Sesshōmaru: Rin! - he called – come out …

Rin couldn't face him, she was too hurt, but she knew that ignoring him would be bad for her in the long run...but she didn't care anymore. She was curled in a ball under the heavy drapes. She then felt the weight of them being lifted off her.

She braced her self and looked up. Her Lord was now kneeling in front of her looking her in the eye.

Sesshōmaru: Come out from there … - he said calmly stretching one of his hands out to her. Rin turned her face away from him.

Rin: Aren't you expected elsewhere? - she bitterly replied. Sesshōmaru was a little taken back by her tone, but, it was understandable. Sesshōmaru was not stupid, insensitive to human feelings? Perhaps... But this time there was no question in his mind about what she was feeling after hearing what she heard. His heart sank at the sight of his little girl, who was sitting there...broken...

_«this has not turned out the way I intended... but maybe it's better like this...»_ he said to himself.

He then grabbed her by the arm lifting her to her feet - Come with me … - As soon as they got outside he held her close and they both transformed into a ball of light rising fast into the night.

After what seamed like a moment they landed at the edge of a small pond that was fed by a chain of small waterfalls. He thought that maybe the sight of a pretty place like that would ease the pain of what was to come now...


	6. Cast Aside

Chapter 6 – Cast Aside

Disclaimer: All character's by Rumiko Takahashi

The water sparkled under the moonlit sky. It was a beautiful calm night. But Rin's heart was far from peaceful...

Rin: What are we doing here? - Rin snapped, her heart thumping hard within her chest.

Sesshōmaru was about to answer but Rin cut him off before he could.

Rin: Before you start, I would like to know why I was the only person not allowed to know about _your_ wedding?

Sesshōmaru: ...

Rin: Is that why you were avoiding me? Did you honestly think I would be ok with this...?

Rin then regretted her last statement the moment it escaped her lips. She had never opnely confessed her feelings towards the Taiyōkai and she knew now that he was definitely NOT interested in her, so of course it wouldn't matter to him what her thoughts on his personal affairs were.

She desperately wanted answers and tried to keep a strong face but her heart betrayed her again by sending floods of tears to her eyes. She dropped her head cupping her face with her hands and began to weep bitterly. This was now really annoying him deeply. Why was this mere human girl sending him in to turmoil?

Sesshōmaru was amazed at how much he was now struggling to restrain himself from holding her and comforting her. But Kaede's words were holding him back.

Sesshōmaru: That is enough Rin!

Rin: No! It is not! … don't you know by now...? Sesshōmaru-Sama ... I'm ...I'm in love with you...Rin was trembling and she held her breath not knowing why she had confessed. Surely to him such things would not matter...

Sesshōmaru: Love? - he said raising one eyebrow. He wasn't prepared for her boldness. She actually came right out and said it. It was one thing coming from the old Miko, but hearing it from Rin was unexpected... _«so it is true then»_ he thought to himself.

Sesshōmaru: I know that you are in love with an illusion. I, Sesshōmaru have never done anything to make you feel like that regarding my person.

Rin: You know...? So you brought me to your home to humiliate me then...? Is this your way of telling me that you would never look at me like that? - his eyes narrowed.

Sesshōmaru: I brought you here so that you could experience what it would be like if you leave the village to be with me... - he said expressionless

His words were hard and felt mechanical almost. Her tears continued to plunge to the grass. For listening to them was just like hearing boulders crushing through the ground.

Rin: Bringing me here to see you marry someone else is just … is just to cruel, even for you! - she cried.

Sesshōmaru: Don't say stupid things! Tomorrow's joining has nothing to do with you or anyone outside of the Inu yōkai clan... - he hissed turning his face away from her.

He then sighed deeply and said – This attachment you have to me must end Rin... soon you will long for other things in your life... things that you will not obtain from me...I Sesshōmaru have no interest in such trivialities... - his words felt like ash in his mouth leaving a bitter aftertaste in his throat. He knew they were severe on her.

Rin: Trivialities...? But I've always wanted to follow you and be with you for as long as I live... - she interrupted - ... It has always been my dream to follow you... - she sobbed – I know Kaede-Sama must have said things to you, but...but it's not true...! - she pleaded in the hope that all of this was a plot and would go away.

Her voice stalled at the tall Yōkai's piercing stare.

Sesshōmaru: Do you think a mere human's opinion can influence my decisions? He said angrily. He walked up to her and without a word ran his fingers through her hair, and gently set the stray ones that were flowing softly in the breeze behind her ear. He knew he shouldn't do it but just couldn't help himself anymore, though it stung him in his soul...

Rin looked up at him through her watery eyes _«why is he doing this?»_ she thought she sensed that somehow he seemed nostalgic in his manner, but surely she was mistaken. Sesshōmaru had showed he does not care for her in that way.

Sesshōmaru: You feel that way at this moment, but I Sesshōmaru am severing this attachment now... I have no need to be depended on by a weak mortal girl ...Transportation back to your village will be arranged tomorrow...

The wind had picked up and was now blowing stronger. The sound it made thought the trees felt sinister, making the hole she felt now in the pit of her stomach even more obvious and unbearable.

Rin:... I would prefer to go back tonight … - she said quietly - I can not stay one more minute in this place...

Sesshōmaru closed his eyes and clenched his fists.

Sesshōmaru: So be it! - he replied. The yōkai then gracefully unsheathed Bakusaiga from its sheath and plunged it into the ground. An energy bolt shot out from it into the sky. When it ended he pulled his katana out and placed in it's sheath once more. A few moments later, Ah-Un appeared with Jaken.

Sesshōmaru: Ah-Un! Take her back to the human village

Jaken: Oh?... Sesshōmaru-Sama? Are you sending Rin away? But why...? - The little green yōkai couldn't believe his ears.

Sesshōmaru: I do not need to explain myself to you... - he said coldly – Let's go! - he yelled walking passed him. Jaken jumped on to his master's back and with that Sesshōmaru leapt into the sky.

Rin saw him sore high in the night air and remained with her gaze upon him until he was a faint smudge in the distance.

Rin - Sesshōmaru-Sama...why?...you..you.. BAKA! - she screamed at the top of her lunges.

Her legs gave way and she sank into the ground, now expressionless...

He was gone...her beloved Lord had abandoned her...

A long time passed until she managed to summon the strength to climb onto the two headed dragon's saddle and begin the long way back to the village ...


	7. Unwelcome Turmoil

Chapter 7 - Unwelcome Turmoil

Disclaimer: Characters by Rumiko Takahashi.

_Back at the village..._

A few days had now passed and Kaede began to wonder if she would see Rin ever again. She was a little surprised at Sesshōmaru's decision to take her at this time. What were his intentions? She had waited all night long for Rin to return home the evening she left to meet him by the river. But Rin didn't.

The old woman spent her days in deep thought helping the villagers and performing her duties as Miko. She knew that if Sesshōmaru decided to bring her back, Rin would probably resent her. This made her feel anxious. Today would be no different, she thought to herself, as acceptance of Rin's absence was creeping its way into her mind. She got up before sunrise, as always, and was contemplating the dawn's awakening, which was now cooler. Summer had ended and longer nights were ahead.

Then, when mornings first rays were peaking, she spotted the girl emerging from the woods. Her heart tightened at the sight of her...

The old woman walked down the path to greet her. Rin's gaze hung low and her eyes were painfully swollen.

Rin... - she uttered under her breath, while reaching for her. Rin would not look at her as anger had started to grow within – where have you been? Come inside and get cleaned up... - she herd Kaede say. Rin looked at her and interrupted the Miko – Don't pretend to be worried about me! What did you say to Sesshōmaru-Sama? This is all your fault! - she said staring at the old woman.

The Miko's uncovered eye was brimming with tears but at the same time full of warmth and understanding, she then embraced Rin tightly just as if she were holding her own granddaughter.

Rin could not control her emotions anymore and instinctively clinged to Kaede's warm embrace. She had long forgotten the touch of motherly comfort and realized it was what she needed now more than ever.

Kaede had missed Rin more than anticipated. She was extremely happy to see her but knew the days ahead were going to be hard...

Kaede: I'm sorry child, it had to be done. You will understand one day. Now please come inside... - and with that she led the girl back to the hut. Every step she took felt like razors slashing at her feet.

She entered the hut and briefly looked around. Everything was as how it was when she left. Her futon remained neatly folded in place. Kaede sat the girl down and started to prepare a warm bath for her.

The old woman bathed her quietly and prepared some food and tea afterwards. Neither one of them spoke a word to each other.

Kaede then unfolded Rin's futon and led her to it.

Kaede: Rest...you must keep up your strength... - she said and left the hut for another day's work. Rin crawled under the covers and slept almost immediately.

_meanwhile..._

The sound of crushing rocks thundered in the distance. Jaken quickly got up and looked out the window «is it an attack?» he asked himself. Then he heard someone knocking on his chambers door.

When he opened it, there stood a few of the palace's servants looking at him worriedly.

Servant: Jaken-Sama! Sesshōmaru-Sama is … he has gone mad!

Jaken: Mad you say?... What do you mean? - he asked now also worried. He jumped to his feet and ran out into the courtyard.

_«just what happened last night?»_

He listened for the noise and moved closer to where it was coming from. He hid himself behind a large boulder and scanned the area. There he saw Lord Sesshōmaru wielding the Bakusaiga angrily and delivering blows at.. . well...nothing...

_«_Has _he lost his mind?»_ - the little yōkai thought - _«and today of all days..! what is he doing?»_

Sesshōmaru's sharp nose picked his scent up immediately, he turned with blood-red eyes and walked towards him.

Jaken lost his balance and fell on his back. He then turned over and started pleading for mercy.

Jaken: Sesshōmaru-Sama! Please forgive me! I didn't mean to spy! Please don't kill me!

Sesshōmaru stepped over him as is he were not there.

Jaken got up and started to follow his master.

Jaken: erm... Sesshōmaru-Sama...bout today's ceremony...

The Taiyōkai didn't even look at his servant.

Sesshōmaru: Is everything ready? - he asked

Jaken: well … it should be by now...

Sesshōmaru: I suggest you go and find out … - he said sharply. Jaken cringed with fear and scampered off immediately.

_«arghh! I thought I was done for! ...stupid Sesshōmaru-Sama never telling me anything and treating me like this!»_

The dog demon then turned once more and flew off. His blood boiled in his veins. His thoughts dowelled on last nights events. He reached a spot on a lonely mountain far from the castle. He drew his katana again and slashed angrily at the rocks in front of him.

_«What is this?...Why? »_ Rin's image flashed before his eyes. The words he spoke the night before still burned in his mouth.

He couldn't believe what he had said. It was almost as if he regretted the way he handled the whole situation. The thought of him being the cause of Rin's pain was stabbing at him severely.

The anger he had been feeling was not going away. Just what is it about this girl that makes him lose his composure like this? She is gone now, so why is it _still_ affecting him?

And another thing that was annoying him further was the way Rin had spoken to _him_! She had never talked back at him like that before! Rin's coming of age had changed her in ways he was unprepared for.

Never in his lifetime had Sesshōmaru ever experienced these feelings before. Although he has now lived for a few centuries, in yōkai years, he was still quite young and, by choice, not in the slightest experienced in the matters of the heart.

In the past he had several females interested in him romantically, but his desires had never lead him down that path. Sesshōmaru had never even entertained the idea of taking a mate, he had always considered it to be a waste of time and a way for his enemies to take advantage of him. All his life had been in pursuit of power and had the burning wish to surpass his Father.

Needless to say that if he had, a female human would certainly not have been the beholder of his interest!

His Father and hanyou Brother kept flashing through his thoughts. Look were it got them! He would reason with himself still trowing blows at the mountain.

Although his brother was now doing well with his human mate, he still would not allow himself to even consider the possibility that he unknowingly let himself be "bewitched" by a female! Even less by a mortal girl!

He cast the Bakusaiga aside and stated punching the side of the mountain. His silver hair flared behind him and his eyes were glowing red with rage. His aura was so strong now that the fragments that fell away from the wall disintegrated by merely coming close to it. He then stopped exhausted, with one fist still against the wall. He then spread opened his palm and leaned against the rock supporting his weight with that one arm and dropping his head. He was trembling.

_«look at me now!»_ he thought to himself as blood began to stream down his knuckles. The pain of them was nothing compared to the turmoil he was feeling inside.

But the truth of the matter was, the Taiyōkai's goal had already been seen through and the Bakusaiga was proof of that. Was he seeking new goal's in life? Was Rin one of them? Had he been waiting patiently for her to grow up and take her for his own?

_«...She thinks you will come to take her one day and ride off into the sunset together...» _Kaede's words echoed in his mind - Was it only Rin thinking that? - he asked himself. The realization of him secretly having similar thoughts was harrowing.

These questions, feelings and thoughts were tearing him apart. For the first time in his life he felt ...well ... lost.

Not knowing how to move on from this and make it go away was not a good feeling...

He noticed the sun was nearing noon and the ceremony would be starting soon. So he prepared himself, heeling his bruises and cuts with a mere burst of energy.

He stayed still and closed his eyes as if meditating to calm his mind. When he opened them again he started to make his way back to the palace.

Once more stoic, once more Sesshōmaru the great dog demon of the West.


	8. Moving on

Disclaimer: Characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi. I'm not an expert on Shinto belief nor do I wish to offend anyone. If you see an error please let me know and I shall correct it right away. Remember, this is only a story.

Rin had slept the whole day through right into the next morning. She woke up feeling very sluggish indeed. Then she looked around and remembered where she was ... then Kaede entered the hut.

Kaede: Good Morning Rin. Did you rest well? … - Rin did not reply – well...get yourself prepared and come and eat something ...

Rin: Kaede-Sama? … thank you ... - she said quietly. She felt guilty about the way she had spoken to her the last time. Rin got ready and sat down to eat. She didn't manage to take a bite. Kaede was curious to know about what had happened but decided to let Rin tell her in her own time if she so decided.

She spent the next few days deep in thought saying next to nothing to anyone and performing her usual daily chores as she used to before. She was trying her best to forget the whole incident and decide what she was going to from now on. But it seemed impossible.

One evening, after a day's work, she was tidying up inside the hut she spoted her chest of belongings. It had been neatly put away among other items that once belonged to Kikyo. Rin felt touched that Kaede had put her things beside her beloved sister's.

She pulled it out and opened it. It was full of her beautiful Kimonos given to her by Sesshōmaru over the years.

As she took them out and felt the soft fabric a tiny pouch fell to the floor. Her heart thumped as she looked at the velvet object recalling what laid within...

She picked it up and poured the content into her hand. It was a fang. A fang that belonged to the Taiyokai... her memories brought her back a few years to when she got it.

Sesshōmaru's fang had broken off one day when he saved her, yet again, from impending death. She had savoured it as a memento of her Lord, much to his indifference regarding the fang itself. She remembered his amazement of her wanting to keep a useless thing like that. It made her chuckle just thinking about it. His face looked so funny to her at the time.

It must have been around that time she started looking at him differently. But her happy memory was short lived, although she tried hard, Rin couldn't help it as tears were starting to form in the corners of her still painful eyes …

But then, all of a sudden, a surge of anger and hatred started to grow within her, as if a lightning bolt shot through her body. She threw everything back into the chest and picking it up she got up like a shot and ran outside.

She flew past Kaede who noticed what she was carrying but before she could say anything Rin was already quite far away.

She ran as fast as she could hopping the tears would stop. She kept running until she could run no longer and fell onto the grass exhausted. She lay on her back looking up at the cloudy sky through the trees. The leaves were now practically all red and brown and the birds were leaving for warmer lands. The colours of the sunset added to this golden scenario a beautiful warm glow.

She lay there for a while alone with her thoughts.

_«this is no good Rin» _she thought to herself. Then an idea started to form in her mind fulled by Sesshōmaru's words that were bouncing back and forth within her.

_«weak mortal? I'll show him who is weak! how dare he say that? How dare he treat me like that?» _

and with that she got up and began to gather wood to build a fire. Her hands shook with anger and her breathing was heavy. She waited until the sun had set and the flames were tall. The fire burned intensely now, but the fire of hatred in her heart was burning stronger.

She walked up to the chest and opened it again. She pulled out all the garments and one by one cast them on the bonfire angrily. She screamed her pain and hate with very piece she threw in, it was actually helping to ease her sorrow … until she came to the last item … it was the fang ...

She clutched it it her hand trembling and raised her arm, she was about the throw it in, but she couldn't bring herself to do it...she opened her hand and stared at the white sharp object ...

She then grasped it firmly in her fist and closed her eyes.

Kaede had come to find her and was now standing behind her.

Kaede: Rin... what are you doing? - she asked approaching the girl. Rin opened her eyes and turned to face her.

Rin: Kaede-Sama? - she replied whipping her eyes. She then looked at her with determination and bowed low in front of the old woman.

Rin: Kaede-Sama! Teach me the ways of the Miko! - she requested. Kaede was surprised by this sudden turn of events.

Kaede: Why do you want to become a Miko? - she asked astonished – the village already has Kagome who will be taking my place once I'm no longer able to continue my duties...

Rin: I can't go on like this ... I want my life to have a purpose again ...now that my dream was taken from me...

Rin: I want to help others avoid the same pain I'm suffering now!

Kaede: Are you talking about Sesshōmaru...? - she asked apprehensively. Rin's eyes widened stalling her words. Then she dropped her gaze and said quietly -

Rin: I don't care about him anymore... He tossed me aside like a worthless rag...

Kaede:... hum...I wonder if that is really what he intended child … - she took a deep breath – things are not always what they seem ... Sesshōmaru's intentions are not always clear... and a Miko's resolve must be pure and free from vengeance...I don't know if you can let go of that hurt inside you...

The old woman's words resonated with her. She was yearning for vengeance, but she didn't want Kaede to know about that.

Rin: I don't want to take your place or Kagome-Sama's, I just want to help you while she is not here...when the time comes I will leave and travel the lands protecting all from evil!

Kaede: That is...? Aruki Miko..hun..? - she said closing her eyes.

Rin: I need to move on from this dark place, but for that I must start somewhere... - she then knelt and bowed low with her head touching the ground – Please, Kaede-Sama teach me!

The old woman sighed again and then nodded in acceptance and said – Well you are right saying you need to move on...maybe that will help you...?

Kaede: When you are finished here come meet me by the shrine - she said making her way back to the village.

After putting out the fire and clearing all the ash, she walked to the shrine where Kaede stood with her hands in prayer position. Rin approached her silently and offered prayer too. After a moment Kaede began to speak.

Kaede: Everything around you contains a Kami...in other words spiritual essence...

Rin: Spiritual essence..? - she asked confused. The old women sighed...

Kaede: Yes Rin, the kami reside in everything...Have you ever heard the Tenchi kaibyaku stories?

Rin: What..? ...erm I think my mother may have told me them when I was a small child...

Kaede: They are stories about about Izanagi-no-Mikoto and Izanami-no-Mikoto recorded in the old texts. These texts are the basis of Shinto belief... - Rin listened eagarly to the old woman as a new chapter in her life began...


	9. Endless Questions Within

I do not own Inuyasha or any of the characters mentioned in this story, they belong to Rumiko Takahashi, except: Inari

It had been weeks since the joining ceremony and the short cold days of winter were beckoning. The ceremony had been a successful one and had gone smoothly without any major problems. Everyone was relieved it was over and done with, specially the young Lord as he did not wish the past bad blood between the clans to ignite in another war. This joining was a another step towards lasting peace between them.

Palace life resumed its normal course and everyone returned to their former duties, but there was one among the Yōkai who tossed and turned at night. There was one who's thoughts and dreams were tumultuous of late.

Sesshōmaru was constantly in a bad mood, although this was only noticed by those who knew him the longest. Jaken feared he had reverted back to the old days. He had all the flowers in the castle and in the garden removed, because they reminded him of Rin's absence from his life.

It seamed like he felt what was like a huge knot inside himself and wasn't handling it very well...nothing had worked out the way he had expected. The way they parted was just...but he justified it to himself by recalling the conversation with the old Miko. At the time, he had understood very well what she had said, and in fact, agreed with her.

Then Sesshōmaru did what had been suggested, thinking that it was the Best for Rin. He believed that humans and Yōkai belonged apart. But now he couldn't understand, now that it was done, why it wasn't sitting well with him.

His feelings about the last time he was with the girls constantly alternated between anger and pain, but the reasons had evolved over the weeks. They were running deeper and digging out other feelings within himself...he felt plagued with questions. That night started a chain reaction in his heart that he struggled to stop...

One of the worst things for him about the whole situation now was the fact he hadn't thought his intentions out properly at the time. This was a first for Sesshōmaru... he never acted on a whim, thinking that _that_ was the way of humans...and not respectable Yōkai like himself.

And the main thing that was bothering him most of all was the reason Why_..._

_Why did he bring her here? Why did he act the way he did when she was here? Why did he react so coldly to her that night? Why did seeing her in pain make him suffer?Why did the thought of not seeing her anymore send him into a sea of agony?_

This girl had always exerted unexpected reactions and behaviours from him. She had in fact changed him in many ways he thought he would never change. But he came to realize that in recent months, the natural changes of her growing nature had affected him in even more unusual ways.

Mortal's notion of time, was a concept he thought little of, as for Yōkai who mature over centuries don't notice or consider these changes, and therefore do not experience life the same way as humans do. Even more so for the stoic Sesshōmaru.

But ever since he met Rin, and going through the many experiences she provided him in both her life and death, that had most of all been entirely new to him, he had found a new meaning to Time.

However, the answersstill eluded him. Or better,

he _still_ denied them.

He refused to accept his true feelings...but, no matter how much he tried, her image would constantly be present in his mind and he began to experience new feelings all together...

feelings of regret, guilt, loss and emptiness... but, still he denied his feelings.

The TaiYōkai found himself going to the castle's kitchen a lot, not because he was trying to fill this emptiness with food, but there the girl's faint scent still lingered...

Inari would observe the young lord from the corner of his eye, never saying anything to him, but fully aware that his presence there had nothing to do with food. But today there was something different about him. Normally the great lord was always expressionless, but this morning he wasn't. It looked like he was...well ... depressed!

The chef decided to gather some ingredients and began to prepare something, all the while, Sesshōmaru remained quiet paying no attention to the old Yōkai. When Inari had finished baking, he pulled the tray out of the oven and laid the cookies out to cool down. He then gathered them up and placed them on a large plate. He then brought it over to were his lord was sitting and lay the plate before him.

Inari: Here! Try some of these! - he said, rather abruptly in fact. Sesshōmaru glared at him. How dare he tell him what to do! - He thought ...

Sesshōmaru: I'm not hungry, besides... you know I don't eat human food...

Inari: Ah, come now! I'm told they are good for comforthing the heart! Something to do with the sweetness of them...! - He said cutting him off. Sesshōmaru choked a bit at the chef's insinuation.

Sesshōmaru: My heart needs not comfort! - he retorted after a brief pause.

Inari: Well stop moping about then! - He yelled. Everyone in the kitchen froze wide eyed in fear. Had Inari gone mad? Shouting at Sesshōmaru like that? Surely he would kill them all!

Sesshōmaru: You forget your place! - he snapped standing up in anger and clenching his fists. The kitchen servants were now beside themselves with fear. Inari narrowed his eyes.

Inari: humf! - he sneered – Leave us! - he instructed the servants, who scattered leaving the two Yōkai alone.

Inari: You may be the powerful ruler of these lands now, but _you_ forget I have been around since before you were even born, _Sesshōmaru-chan_!

Sesshōmaru: ...

Inari: The last time I saw you even _remotely_ like this was when you learned your father had fallen in love with a human female! - his comment hit home with Sesshōmaru who now was starting to shake.

Sesshōmaru: Don't speak to me about my father! ...and about _that_!

Inari grinned at him with a devious look

Inari: Oh? And why is that?

Sesshōmaru: ...Because...! Consorting with humans is... - he stalled – ...was... what made him weak!

Inari: keh! You _still_ believe that? - he said closing his eyes and shaking his head - Having experienced the same thing now, surely I thought you didn't anymore...

Sesshōmaru: What are you implying old man? I am not weak like him! to allow something like love for a mortal destroy him...

Inari: he! ... Weak..? You are more like your father than you care to accept...

Sesshōmaru: I am nothing like my father!

Inari: You are EXACTLY like your father! - he shouted - Many years ago he stood in the very same spot you are in right now, thinking and saying the very same things as you are right now!

Sesshōmaru stared at Inari in disbelief, he was shocked.

Inari sihed and sat down taking off his chefs hat...

Inari: You think you knew your father? Think again!... Have you ever thought about what it was like for him? To be torn between two very different worlds and going against centuries of the Inu clan's tradition?

Sesshōmaru: My father disgraced himself and sealed his faith by choosing to go down that path!

Inari: You believe that loving that woman brought about his destruction? No My Lord, the reality is that it was loving her that gave him the strenght to vanquish all of his enemies at long last! You must have figured this out by now!

Sesshōmaru: What are you talking about? What I saw was the once most powerful Yōkai slain by mortals because of that _love_...! He betrayed his caln and forsaked it...!

Sesshōmaru: Enough of this! - he roarded turning his back and walking away.

Inari: I take back what I said earlier!You _are_ nothing like him! You are even _moooore_ stuborn! And also unlike him, you lack the courage to admit you have now in the very same position he was in! What are you afraid of?

Sesshōmaru stopped in his tracks...in a flash he flew across the room and grabbed Inari by the throath...

Sesshōmaru: What did you say? - he said with burning eyes and silver locs flaring behind him - I am afraid of nothing!

Inari: … Then tell me, Sesshōmaru_-Sama_, if what you so adamantly deny isn't true, why did you bring Rin here and then pushed her away? - Sesshōmaru tightened his grasp around Inari's neck.

Inari gasped for air but still managed to speak a few more words...

Inari: If you _really_ felt nothing for that girl you wouldn't have fought so intently _that_ time and you would not possess _this_ ...- he struggled somewhat in his Lord's powerful grasp, but Sesshōmaru then noticed that Inari was touching Bakusaiga. He then, unknowingly, loosened his grip from the chef's neck and let go. His Father's words from long ago once more flashed in his mind...

_«Sesshōmaru, is there something you want to protect?»_

Inari gasped for air.

Sesshōmaru: This is pointless... - he said in a low tone and started to walk off again.

Inari: It isn't pointless my Lord! - he said calling to Sesshōmaru who was now several meters away - I suggest you start to accept the reason why you are feeling the way you are now... - he continued, but knew he probably couldn't hear him anymore and Sesshōmaru was now at the far end of the long hallway.

But nothing escaped Sesshōmaru's sharp ears. He had heard him and was cursing him, for that was the excruciating endless question disturbing him day after day...

That night, once more a sleepless, Sesshōmaru made his way to the chamber where Rin had stayed in.

He entered the room and looked around. The walls were silent as if holding their breath. Sesshōmaru sat down at the foot of the bed facing the large windows opposite it. He floped back onto it and stared at the ceilling bringing his hands up to his forehead and pushing his silver bangs back.

He sihed... _«what am I doing here?»_

He had avoided coming to this place when Rin was staying here, and had avoided it even more since she had left. But the chef's words echoed in his head...

After a few moments he turned over and crawled up the bed. He burried his face in the pillows where once his girl had slept. Her scent here was faint, but stonger than in the castle's kitchen...

He took deep breaths trying to feel what was left of her essence... Rin...he wispered.

Here, in the darkness of the room, he indulged in thoughts he had gone to great lenghts to avoid.

_«Father...you went through this too?...I find that impossible to believe!...why did you chose the __mortal in the end?»_

Many memories sliped in and out of his mind. He recalled the days when his father was still alive and realized something about him that he never had considered before. Perhaps his actions hadn't been as pointless and empty as he believed?

He thought about Rin, and about what she really meant to him. Sesshōmaru had never really admitted to himself that she held an important place in his heart and that she was worthy somehow of the so called "protection" his father used to talk about.

Sesshōmaru's indiference towards humans was no secret and he never missed an oportunity to state that fact. But it was different with Rin. There had allways been something about her... he had always been greatly surprised by this little human child that pledged him unwavering loyalty and a great passion in her resolve to stay by him. And the fact that she did it, not out of fear or obligation, but out of kindness, care and recently...love.

He thought about her confession and that was tearing at him too. The more he thought about it, the more it made him feel both pleased and apreensive. Aside from everything else, was the fact she was too young! Even for Human years...

He kept trying to dismiss her confession as a young girl's delusion and something more of a passing crush. However, the thought of her forgetting him and being in another man's arms was making him suffer, as he slowly faced the fact that he _had_ started to fall in love with her himself...

Some hours later...

The sun shone through the curtains of the bedroom waking him.

At long last he slept.

Sesshōmaru was still lying face down on the bed. As he began to move off them, pushing himself up with his arms into a seated position, he noticed the pillows had shifted a bit during the night. He then spoted something … it was a ribbon... the one she wore in her hair the day he brought her to the castle.

Sesshōmaru pulled it out from under the pillow and held it before him. He observed it for a while and then clasped it tightly. In a flash he was up and left the chamber.

As he descended the stair case he recognized a familiar scent, then he saw Jaken walking by at the bottom and called out to him.

Sesshōmaru: Jaken!

Jaken:Ah! Sesshōmaru-Sama! I was just looking for you! You have a visitor My Lord.

Sesshōmaru acknowlaged and made his way to the great hall to greet this visitor.


End file.
